Words And Phrases To Be Banned With Immediate Effect
I want to start this post by saying that nothing you are about to read in it is rational.
That is not true.
There is absolutely no reason why the use of certain words and phrases makes my teeth twitch. Not at all. Actually, I think it’s a good the thing is that our language is rich, diverse, and constantly evolving – otherwise we would all be stuck speaking the way people in the Past did, and why are we getting better at it, I ask you?
Appropriate.
So unless you really want to take offense, know that this post is NOT ABOUT YOU and your God-given right to use the utterly sickeningly contrived word “holibobs.” This is just about me, and my unreasonable dislike of certain words. (Some of these I’ve probably used myself, since that’s how “irrational” things work.)
(Also how ‘irrational’ works: the way I can guarantee that someone will definitely do it lose their shit going through this post and combing through my archives to find examples of words and phrases I use that they hate, while pretending to think I am REALLY sitting here foaming at the mouth and trying to ban these words. It will happen. Just wait.)
However! Here are some words and phrases that I think should be banned immediately…
‘steal’
People never walked around the shops anymore. They are always, ALWAYS ‘mooch’. I don’t know why, but it’s very disturbing. Everyone was ‘mooching’ at the same time. Sounds like it hidehowever.
‘frock’
This is just a terrible thing to say about dresses, tbh.
‘out and about’
Can you “go out” but NOT be “about” I wonder? I’ll try it next time I leave the house.
‘guy’
It sounds like the Scottish word ‘boke’, which means ‘to vomit’. And, funnily enough, that’s what made me want to do it.
Any kind of “cute” shortening of words.
‘Hubby’ , ‘choccie’, ‘lippie’, ‘biccie’, etc. So any word that ends in ‘ie’ or ‘y’ basically shouldn’t. Also, I saw the phrase ‘platy joobs’ used recently to refer to the Queen’s platinum celebration, and I died a little on the day.
‘Holibob’
I just died a little bit more writing that. my RIPs.
‘fanight’
“Go holibobku with the famalam’. BOKE.
‘comfortable’
Try saying how much you love fall/winter without using the word ‘cosy’ or referring to ‘snuggled under the covers’. Can’t do it, right? People on the internet are totally OBSESSED with being ‘comfortable’. OBSESSED.
‘Where’
Random, but you can just say, “Where are you?” not “Whereabout do you?” But no one did. I would reluctantly accept this word in the context of “unknown existence”, but would otherwise give me utterly irrational anger.
‘Drama’ descriptor
I also want to formally ask that people stop ‘throwing’, ‘throwing’ and ‘throwing’ things immediately, unless they really mean it. Because my brain always interpret literally, so if you tell me you ‘throwed the casserole into the oven’ for example, I’ll instantly get a mental image of you standing on the other side of the room throwing food into your oven. Similarly, when you talk about ‘throwing jumpers’ I would imagine you throwing your clothes in the air and hoping they land on your body. Which is really weird. (I would obviously know that’s not what you meant, before you came to me, but I’d still be wondering, why the drama? You’re only wearing a jumper, Susan.)
While I’m at it, why do people always ‘climb’ into bed? I don’t think I’ve ever had to ‘climb’ to get into bed in my life? Do you all have bunk beds? Are you the Princess and the Beans?
‘pop’
I also exclude the word ‘pop’ when it is used to describe activity other than the actual ‘pop’ of something; not because I take it literally, but because I think it’s often used to minimize something people want me to do. So, for example, a retailer would say, “Oh, we don’t charge returns, you just put it in the post office,” when what they actually what that means is, “You have to get in your car and drive 30 minutes to send this back to us. Deceiving.”
‘Soaring’ as an activity sounds like something fun and easy, but usually seems to involve me rearranging my entire day to suit the person I want to ‘pop’ and, I resent trying to make it sound like nothing. If you want me to do an 80 mile round trip, Jim, just SAY IT; don’t tell me to ‘just drop by’.
‘Padding’ to describe someone walking barefoot
Yes, fiction writer, I’m talking to you. He doesn’t ‘pad’ across the room, ffs! Whenever I read this in a book, I imagine a character doing an odd comedic walk that can accurately be described as “padding”. But the truth is, 100% of the time, I’m sure the author just meant to show it ongoing, like normal people.
‘draw’ for ‘drawer’
ME: It’s a drawer, drawer, drawer, drawer, drawer, drawer, drawer.
EVERYONE: “Pictures.”
‘cracked’
Honestly, I can’t even explain why I hate this. It is just very bad.
And, with that, I’m now going to ‘start’ my day and let you add some words and phrases that you can’t stand. Get ready, people…
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